Some parents might have a hard time with the concept of
owe. They feel that by using the word
“owe,” it has the potential to bring with it expectations and obligations. They contemplate that no one wants to feel
obligated nor do they want the added pressure of their children expecting too
much. However, the reality is; that it
the right of your child to expect and deserve
the very best in what you have to give.
Most children see themselves as a mini extension of their
parents. If you expect the best in
yourself, then they will strive to achieve the best in themselves. Words are symbols that mean something. By
obligating yourself to the word, owe you are committing to giving to your
child all that you are, and will be, forever.
Wanting the best doesn’t mean that when your child graduates
from high school you go into debt buying him/her a Porsche. It doesn’t mean that your child comes to you
with a list of demands in order to make life less complicated. It’s simply a method in which you pledge to
make a conscious effort to the protection, well being and stability of yourself
and your family.
Because words are symbols used to direct our mind’s focus,
we want to put into our consciousness the strongest symbols possible. Owe
conjures up a strong characterization.
It’s an implication that there’s an unpaid balance that you share with
your kids. It’s a balance that’s always
outstanding, sometimes overdrawn, at any moment frustrating, but never
depleted. It’s something you continue to
graciously pay, even if from afar, knowing that its positive influence is the
greatest reward.
BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM
There’s an old saying, “Sticks and stones will break my
bones, but names will never hurt me.”
Whoever created that statement must have never been constantly called
anything derogatory. Words are very
powerful and often can cause drastic emotional injury to a child’s fragile self
esteem. That’s why parents have an obligation to choose words and phrases that
will be beneficial to the healthy development of their children’s blossoming
self image.
Most responsible parents would never intentionally degrade
their children. In spite of that, even
asking questions like; “What’s wrong with you?”
“Are you out of your mind?” Or
“Why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill?” can be emotionally damaging
and cause serious psychological injury to a small child’s fragile ego. Along those same lines phrases like; “You are
driving me crazy!” “You are getting on
my last nerves,” (How many times have you heard that?!) “I’m about to knock you
into the middle of next week,” as well as, “You make me sick!” are also
emotionally damaging and should be avoided.
Building self esteem means never being insulting, negative,
swearing at, or calling disparaging names.
It means to never be overly critical, find ways of encouragement and
opportunities to uplift your children’s spirits in every circumstance.
Keep in mind that damaging a child’s self esteem takes years
of aggression, so don’t beat yourself up for the occasional slip up. That’s normal. As long as you remember that words hurt and
that caution and caring are necessary in order to raise positive self assured
human beings.
TIME
Children have no concept of time although it is one of the
most valuable commodities of life. They
may, on some level, grasp that it last forever, but somehow they often inadequately
equate it to themselves. As adults, we
realize that time is important, it must be respected, and that we must make use
of every moment we have for as long as we have it.
We don’t have long on this Earth to contribute to our well
being and solidify our purpose. However,
while we are here, it is our obligation to use our time wisely and focus on our
goals. Parents need to teach their kids
that they are not invulnerable and they won’t live forever. Therefore it is important to maximize all the
time they have towards developing their talents and striving for their goals.
Many parents have a myriad of ways of surviving in this
drastic economy. Often they are too
tired to spend time with their kids after work.
Remember, your children are your first priority and it is your
responsibility to muster up the energy and spend precious moments nurturing
them. They’ll understand that you’re
tired. They’ll also subconsciously
understand how important they are to you and how you’ve prioritized their needs
over your own.
Time is about
making every effort to be at parent conferences, football games, recitals,
Science Fairs, Boys and Girls Scout meetings, speeches, birthdays and anything else
that reflects your child’s development.
If you don’t take the time to show them how important they are in your
life, then they will grow up thinking life is not important.
Time is also essential
in the morning. Kids need a healthy
start. That means a good breakfast to
start their day. This is very difficult
for most families because of varying schedules.
However, maybe a Monday, Wednesday, Friday commitment where the family
gets up and eats breakfast together is fathomable. Maybe two days out the week like Monday and
Friday. That gives kids something to
look forward to. It also starts and ends
their school week.
SOCIAL EVENTS
It is eminently important for parents to attend the social
events of their children. Children need to feel supported. It is part of the unpaid balance you owe.
Your presence should be felt in all aspect of their lives and when you
make them a main concern they’re going to be compelled to believe in you and have
faith and trust that you have their best interest at heart.
VACATIONS
Vacations leave lasting impressions and are often remembered
for a lifetime. Try to take at least one
family vacation a year, preferably one that involves the outdoors. When children are outdoors, nature’s delicate
balance has a serene effect on them.
Being one with nature is also extremely settling. Nature and all its enduring principles leaves
a positive impression about the structure of life. It reminds us that we are all connected to an
infinite structure that’s always changing and growing, but never ceasing to
discard any of its parts. It’s
constantly replenishing and regenerating.
Therefore it’s imperative that kids experience this phenomenon first
hand and get a semblance of their place in the beautiful cycle of life.
Vacations don’t have to involve a lot of money. Take a one or two day hiking or desert trip.
Spend an entire day at the beach complete with a picnic lunch and dinner as
well as plenty of games and other things to do. The most important thing is
that you spend quality time with your children outside the home and away from
the hustle and bustle of life.
RELIGION
Spirituality is a vital extension of our human experience. Without spirituality there’s a complex void
in one’s outlook and expression of existence.
Children need to be taught that there’s a greater force other than themselves
and you. (Yes, I said, “You!”) This
doesn’t mean that you have to go to church every Saturday or Sunday, but it
does mean that your family should have a habit or be taught a ritual of giving
thanks to a greater power. The good it
causes to believe and have faith in a higher power far outweighs the bad. It can create is a strong moral character and
a belief that you are held accountable to something more significant than you.
MONEY
My grandmother once said, “The person that said money isn’t
everything, never had any.” Money is very important in the way we
configurate our society. It may not make
you happy, but it will sure make you more financially secure. On that note, teach your kids about
Certificate of Deposits, Mutual Funds, Savings Bonds, and Real Estate. If these are areas you are unfamiliar; then
learn about them. (Libraries are free resources, so there’s no excuse.)
It’s imperative that children have a proper respect for
money and its worth. Money is power. It does plenty to aid in the comforts of life
and children need to understand its necessity in order to function properly in
this society. It must be understood, saved,
invested and spent wisely.
An effective way of building proper respect for money is by
giving children an allowance and by opening their first savings account. This is a way of showing them the importance
of saving for things they want or need.
It gets them away from the notion of instant gratification and aids in
the understanding of patience and self reliance. It’s going to take a long time to save for
those sneakers that cost $125 if you’re only putting away $5 a week. Yet once attained, they’ll have a better comprehension
for budgeting as well as and appreciation for the items they purchased on their
own. (You better believe if they spent
their own money, they’re going to value the product more.)
Make sure the examples you teach your children regarding
money are beneficial. This means making an effort to keep you own finances in
tact. (I know that’s hard in this current economy!) Try not to let your
telephone get cut off. Don’t have your
child doing their homework to candle light because you didn’t pay the light
bill and, by all means, try to avoid your child going to bed hungry because
there was no budget for food.
Some of the previous issues may be unavoidable. On the other
hand, try as best you can to set a strong foundation and some of those issues
may become escapable or at the very least, short termed.
CREDIT
Just like money, credit is another area where children need
to have a proper understanding and respect; especially before they go off to
college. Credit card companies prey on
unsuspecting college students and if they aren’t knowledgeable they will
graduate owing much more than school loans.
Credit is an important asset. Not only can it be used to buy things of
importance like an education, home or car, it can create financial
independence. There may be emergencies
that arise where credit may play a significant role. Therefore, it must be protected and taken
seriously at all times; especially in communities of color.
CHARITY
Find opportunities where your family can be of community
service. Whether it’s beautifying your
neighborhood or volunteering at a homeless shelter, find the opportunities to
give back the blessings that are bestowed upon you. Charitable contributions are meaningful,
satisfying and rewarding to everyone involved.
It rears unselfishness and a compassionate disposition in kids.
There’s a biblical saying that states, “Do onto others as
you would have them do unto you.” People who are unselfish have an increased
fulfillment of life because they are making others happy. These types of people
realize that what they do has a greater effect on everyone around them. If you want happiness in your life, you have
to give happiness to others. Charity is reciprocal.
Whatever it is that you want out of life, you have to
give. If you want to live large, you
have to give large. It’s the law of the universe. The most important thing is to be humble to
the process and to point out when it is being applied so that your children
learn to appreciate its grace and beauty.
Those are the 8 core principles that every parent owes their children. They are non negotiable and essential in
developing young people of character.
They are however, not the only principles, so if you feel I’ve left one
out, leave it in the comment section of this post.
As always, thanks for reading and spending some time with my
artistry.
